Chapter 15: Eat at Zeke’s
I nursed the car down the street, listening for both the sound of a potential engine failure, and the whup-whup-whup of approaching heliplanes. Luckily, neither seemed to be present, so I forced myself to relax, and took a left on Rove Avenue.
Erin noticed. “Hey, the highway is back there,” she said, pointing behind us.
“I know, but like I said, this car is thrashed. We’d never make even the most cursory of inspections at the checkpoints.”
“You realize, of course, that you’re buying me a new car, right?”
“Should have read the fine print, honey. This counts as ‘expenses’.”
“What?”
“Just kidding. Take it out of my pay.”
“There’s no way your fees will even begin to match what this car cost.”
“Fine, don’t pay me anything then. At this point, I’m just happy I’m not in jail yet. And if ditching your car will keep it that way, that’s what I’m going to do.” I pulled the car into the mostly empty parking lot of a nondescript pizza joint, and killed the engine.
Erin sighed. “What are we doing here, now?
“What, you don’t like pizza?” I chuckled. “No, actually, we’re here to get somethi—FUCK!” I flinched when a flaming golf ball slammed into the windshield, cracking it, and leaving a fiery trail as it rolled off the hood. I opened the door, and noticed a figure on the roof with a golf club, a bucket, and a lighter.
“Stain! What the hell are you doing?” I yelled at the figure.
He didn’t respond, he just lit up another ball & whacked it out over the parking lot, the flames arcing gorgeously in the morning light.
I motioned to Erin to get out of the car, but she stayed in her seat, shaking her head. I could see her mouthing the words “he fucking crazy” through the cracked glass. I turned back to the figure on the roof.
“STAIN! Dammit, you’re scaring my client!”
He waved. A deep voice shouted, “I’ll be right down!” and the figure disappeared. Erin slowly got out of the car.
“Why is it the people you know are all certifiably insane?”
“Must be my charming good looks.”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“Look, the way I see it, you can’t really choose your friends. They just sort of happen to you. In my line of work, I meet all types, and these are the ones that stuck around.”
”Yeah, like gum on your shoe. Crazy gum.”
“Hey, I know you now, so you might be considered a friend, as well.”
“I don’t know about that…”
“What about last night?”
Erin blushed. “Well, yeah, ok.”
Just then, the door to the front of the pizza place opened up, and an arm waved us inside. We complied. A blast of cold air greeted us, as well as a large, hulking man, light brown hair cut short to his head, with burn marks up and down his forearms, and a wide grin on his face.
“L,” he said, “long time no see. What brings you here?”
“I need some firepower, and some scuba gear.”
“What for? I thought the tarot card was the Tower.”
Erin gasped. “How the hell--”
He laughed. “The NSRA is everywhere, honey.”
Erin turned to me. “The NSRA? I thought you said…”
“Well, yeah, but that was before we took out those Cop tanks. Ah, introductions. Reverend Stain, this is Erin. Erin, Reverend Stain, of the New Soviet Red Army.”
Stain clapped me on the shoulder. “Cop tanks? Good job! I was wondering how that piece of crap out in the lot got that way.”
“Oh, yeah,” I said, “We’re gonna need a new car, too.”
“Well, you came to the right place. Sit down, have a slice, I’ll be right back.” Stain ducked behind the counter, and re-appeared with two slices of cold pizza on a plate. “Make yourselves comfortable.”
We sat down in a booth away from the window, and bit down on our improvised breakfast.
“Holy shit,” said Erin, “This pizza is fucking amazing.”
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A minute passed as we at our slices in silence. Then, checking to make sure there was no one else in the room, Erin leaned in close, and whispered, “I thought you said that involving the NSRA was ‘like killing a mosquito with a bazooka’!”
“Have you seen the size of those bugs out there? Yeah, we escaped Government Inc this time, but chances are they’ll find us again. And they won’t be as cautious as they were in the garage.”
“You call that cautious?”
“We’re still here, right? Look, you have to at least agree that we need a new car, because your vehicle make & model are on the Watch List, now. Since they haven’t swarmed this place yet, I can only assume that somewhere in the chase, your GPS unit was damaged.”
“Actually, I had it removed.”
“What? How did—”
Erin laughed. As she did, I could feel my spirits lighten, like some great weight was temporarily lifted off my back. The morning sun looked a little brighter, somehow. Erin said, “Oh, wow. The look on your face is priceless! Come on, now. If I found you, surely I know something about something. I like my privacy, and so I found a guy who could remove the GPS unit.” She raised one finger, cutting off my attempt to interrupt. “I know it’s illegal, and it’s tricky. The amount I had to pay proves that.” She looked at me with bemusement. “Oh, you think you’re the only one who’s brave enough to go against Government Inc? I’ll have you know that I think everyone, at some point or another, breaks the law to suit their own needs. Like you were saying about that quantum processor thing at the bar, there’s more information than there are people to look at it. The law of averages more or less guarantees you’re going to get away with most of it.”
“Well, color me impressed. Now I’m even sorrier I had to wreck the car. I have a feeling Stain’s going to give us a real piece of shit. He’s kind of an asshole like that.”
A voice emanated from the napkin holder. “I heard that!”
Erin jumped. “What the fuck!”
“The NSRA is everywhere, pretty girl,” said the napkin holder, “and you better get used to it. L, how could you say such terrible things about me?”
“Oh, put a sock in it, Stain,” I said, “your biggest self-aggrandizing claim to fame is that you’re the biggest pain in the ass in The City, and yet people still want to talk to you. I can’t see how you do it. Sure, you make the best pizza for miles, and you’ve got plenty of connections, but still…”
“It’s because I’m one sexy motherfucker.”
Erin snorted a laugh behind her hand, and the napkin holder said, “yeah, well you just haven’t seen me in action, toots. Just give me one night, and a bottle of Bushmills, and you’ll be singing my praises in the morning.”
“Right. Well, you’ve got one part right; I’d have to be drunk to consider sleeping with you.”
“Whatever works, whatever works. So, L. Exactly what have you got in trade? I know you don’t have enough to pay me, and I have a sneaking suspicion your little chippie shouldn’t be using any sort of credit card or anything that can be monitored or tracked.”
“Yeah, you’ve got that right… But I do believe I have something you’d be interested in. How does a fresh Cop’s Battle Jacket sound?”
“Shit, man! I’ve been dying to have my people reverse engineer one of those! I’ll be right up.”
Erin mouthed the words “his people?” at me. I mouthed back, “later. He’s delusional.”
The napkin holder spoke up. “I can read lips, you know.”
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