The Pine Cone Parrot

I was noticing the beginning of spring while walking down the street today. There were birds everywhere, blossoms everywhere, and most of all the hallucinatory effect of grey clouds on sky. Everything was life and energy, but there was this woman was walking down the opposite sidewalk in a funny kind of shuffling way. I had to pass her; there was nothing else I could do.

Passing slower people while walking has always been tough for me. I would love to pass them quickly with no eye-contact or side glances. This is fine for a city, fine if you're wearing headphones or in drag with hands in pocket. If, however, you're just strolling down a residential sidewalk on a Wednesday you have 3 choices. You have the quick hello, you have the nod, and you have option number 3, the Get The Hell Out of My Way I'm in a Hurry brush off. Most people reserve this option for old people (And by most people I mean you.)

So, I decide I'm going to go for the quick nod. I start to pass her, and as I'm looking over to nod I notice something funny and bright green just ahead of her.

She is walking her parrot.

I'm so startled by this that I step on a pine cone that's lying in the gutter. It makes a really loud crunching noise that echos down the block, fading into sudden awkward silence. I stop, she stops, and the parrot stops and cocks it's head to the side. It gives me this really searching look, like it's trying to figure me out, like a wise old evil Buddha, and it opens it's mouth and says in a perfect facsimile "Hello, I'm Dianne Rehm."

Obviously a rare and fortunate blend of sleep deprivation and bizarre fate have coalesced to bring about this auspicious turn of events. I look down shocked, eyes wide, and whisper "I know!"

My one and only brush with celebrity.

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