I gave up Wilfred Brimley for Lent

But he is calling, calling...

April Fool's day, otherwise known as intentional obfuscation day. This is the state my family has lived every day since May 18, 1987, ever since "the incident". Yes, we're joking and we're not.

Hey Bob, what are you doing this weekend?
I dunno, I thought maybe I'd try to find a nice place to bury my dog.
Your dog died? I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah, guess I turned that shock collar up a little too high there!
...
April Fools!
...
It was actually my wife.

It's the way these things happen. I should invest some money and buy one of those tiny surgical cameras. I bet there's a wealth of jewelry in every sink, nestled there in the grime and toothpaste sludge. I wouldn't be in it for monetary reasons, though. Not even the sex appeal of bathroom fixtures. No, I'd do it for my love of plumbing, for my fascination with tiny mechanical eyeballs, earring backs. When I was a little kid I well knew the danger of the drain monster. The signs were everywhere, the consequences obvious. I stuck my toe in that drain waiting to get sucked into some kind of magic monster land where they all had one large eye (probably Australia). It wasn't for another year that the fascination would give way to the drain water tornado. For a 7 year old it was like discovering a disco in the bathroom.

Yahoo Serious. I mean, Jesus. Blatant drain monster.

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